Don’t Be Jealous, I Will Bend Myself – Chapter 1A

TL Note: Leo from Leo Translations reached out to me, they were interested in releasing a teaser for chapter 1 for this project but I snatched it. They gave me half their translations for Chapter 1. They are much much much more fluent in Chinese than I am. So for readers who wants to re-read a much more accurate Chapter1A I just posted it on my blog.

Please thank Leo from Leo Translations from providing this. 🙂


Chapter 1 (about 50%) 

Keli looked down at her red wedding dress and wanted to cry but had no tears. She had painstakingly worked hard to keep herself single for the past 25 years, but had been arranged to get married as soon as she arrived. She wanted to oppress, not be the one oppressed.(unsure about last sentence: 想虐狗也不带这样虐的)  But luckily she could still escape this marriage. 

“Beans, when can I escape?” Keli impatiently asked. 

[Host, you wrote this novel yourself, do you not know when you should escape the marriage?]

As a system, Beans was very helpless. 

Keli: “…” Well, it was true, she had indeed written this novel herself. 

Keli, 25 years old, was a shut-in writer. She eats, sleeps and eats every day. But this leisure lifestyle posed no problem. In her spare time she liked to write all kinds of brain-hole stories and somehow she had managed to grab a place in the online literary circle. All in all, her life had been really enjoyable. 

What would have made it even better was if her mother wouldn’t bother her about marriage all the time. 

Just this morning, she had been pulled by her mother, Shen Qing, to a blind date. The other had been a dull man in the field of science and technology. After suffering through the blind date, she had gone home and collapsed onto her bed, only to wake up to such a festive scene.

She had transmigrated into her own novel, and into a very awkward identity nonetheless— The malicious supporting female lead. 

Ha!

Not only that, there was also a system called ‘Beans’ in her head, moreover it was a system of passion and love. 

God damn love?

Keil highly suspected that this was a way to criticize her. She had been single for so many years and still lived well. What kind of love was her mother thinking about? What would it bring?— Did she not sleep enough? Or did she read too much? 

Wasn’t it good to stay single?

Overcome with boredom, Keli listlessly pulled at her red wedding dress and asked, “Beans, when will my mother let me go back?” 

[You can only return after completing a certain amount of tasks.]

The system, Beans, was in the shape of a white round fuffball. It was of course very cute, but it was very formal when it spoke.1 When Beans is addressing the minister, Keli’s mother, it adds “da ren” after which is polite speech, although when addressing Keli it uses the informal you.  This made Keli think of her serious mother from time to time. 

Right now, Keli had three needs— to eat, sleep and beat Beans.2 “Beat Beans” is a joke in China: a reporter went to Antarctica and interviewed a group of penguins about their daily life。Eat,sleep,打豆豆,said the first penguin。So did the second, third… when it came to the last penguin. He answered simply eat and sleep。The reporter asked why not打豆豆?the last penguin answered sadly“I’m豆豆”。So he was beaten all the same.
豆豆 = Doudou/Beans

Her mother, Shen Qing, was the Minister of  Experience Life Department at the Time Administration. She held extraordinary power at the tip of her fingers and according to her mother’s odd temperament, if Keli didn’t finish the tasks, she would probably stay in this fictional world indefinitely.

The more Keli thought about it, the more she felt that the situation was fishy. Her mother always wanted her to fall in love and find a partner, regardless of whether the other person was a man or a woman. Now, after permitting herself to be dragged to a blind date, she had unexpectedly—through suspicion manners—ended up in a fictional world. All so that she could experience life and learn to fall in love. 

Resting her forehead against her hand, Keli solemnly asked, “Then, how can I complete the current task?”

[The task will be regarded as complete once intimacy value reaches 100%] 

Intimacy value?

Keli glanced at Beans. “At what point will intimacy reach 100 percent?”

And intimacy with whom?

[Probably when the distance between host and the female lead is negative.]

Beans said this without any internal conflict, after all, it was merely being an obedient system.

Negative distance?

Although Keli, as a serious web writer, considered that a forbidden area, her heart was nevertheless full of thunder, her brain filled with scorching scenes. 

She naturally knew what negative distance meant, and she immediately became embarrassed. The difficulty of this task was too high, and then there was also….. Keli stupidly mumbled, “Why is it the…. the female lead?” 

She was straighter than a steel pipe, moreover, Mr Perfect has always been a film emperor with a six pack. Why would the system want her to go and court the female lead? 

[Because it can only be the female lead.] 

Keli was shocked. “Are you sure? You are not mistaken?” 

[There is no mistake. Previously this novel’s world was invaded by a slag man system and the male lead has become a slag man. Does host want to be negative distance from the slag man?] 

Beans did not blush, its heart did not race. What it did not say was that the intrusion of the system was man-made, moreover it had been informed this specifically by Minister Shen Qing. As for why she wanted them to bend around it, it did not know. Maybe it was the host’s mother who wanted her daughter to bend?

Keli signed, even if it was a slag man she might be able to do it, but if it was the famale lead she absolutely couldn’t. After all, she was pipe straight. 

Keli automatically overlooked the possibility that she might not be as straight as she thought and once again confirmed, “If I don’t finish this task, I won’t be stuck in the fictional world forever, will I?” 


[1] – When Beans is addressing the minister, Keli’s mother, it adds “da ren” after which is polite speech, although when addressing Keli it uses the informal you. 

[2] – “Beat Beans” is a joke in China: a reporter went to Antarctica and interviewed a group of penguins about their daily life。Eat,sleep,打豆豆,said the first penguin。So did the second, third… when it came to the last penguin. He answered simply eat and sleep。The reporter asked why not打豆豆?the last penguin answered sadly“I’m豆豆”。So he was beaten all the same.
豆豆 = Doudou/Beans

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