Don’t Be Jealous, I Will Bend Myself – Chapter 76

Translated by Novice Translations

Proofread by Nesryn

Arc 5: Spring is Coming – 2

Her…Her Menstruation Came

  It isn’t a woman transmigrated into a man, but a woman disguised as a man.

  She was still a woman. It seems that the system changed the original male National Teacher into a female National Teacher who disguised themselves as a man.

  Just when Ke Li was feeling fortunate, she felt her body suddenly shake and knocked onto something hard. It was so painful that it made her clench her teeth, but her mouth was stuffed with cloth. She didn’t even have the most basic right to react.

  She seemed to be locked in a box.

  “Am I being transported away by the female lead?” Ke Li felt her voice tremble, although she didn’t speak using her mouth.

  [This is on the way to Yuelan Sect. Feel sorry for the host.] Doudou seems to know the tragic story behind this.

  Ke Li: “…”

  In the previous few worlds, her relationship with the female leads was love rivals, married couple, master and apprentice, and best friends. Honestly, it was quite strategic, but now that it became an enemy relationship it made Ke Li comfort herself with Shi Jin’s words.

  This is nothing more than a virtual world. It’s not true. Sooner or later, she will return to reality.  

  But it still didn’t ease Ke Li’s tension at the moment.

  Ke Li remembered this world’s plot very clearly, probably because the whole story was very abusive. She doesn’t know whether the plot will be crueler after her arrival, or whether the object of abuse will be changed to her, but she had a strong premonition— that this task wasn’t simple.

  The plot was probably this: the female lead Xin Tu and male lead Lian Yi were in a hostile relationship. And this hostile relationship begins with a conspiracy. However, the main participant in the conspiracy was the National Teacher Ke Chen.

  Xin Tu was an orphan from the remote village in Li country. She was raised by her adoptive parents. At first, her life was simple and beautiful. Then at the age of twelve, her family was destroyed and killed because of a prophecy that she didn’t know was true or not.

  The cause of that incident was because Ke Chen utilized her powerful crow’s beak function. In a divination, she predicted that the northern part of the country would suffer from severe drought in about two years while the south would be flooded. In short, there would be natural disasters everywhere.

  Two years later, as Ke Chen said, the south was flooded while the north suffered from drought. From then on, banditry and chaos began, and the people were in dire straits.

  At that time, the Emperor of Li country was over fifty years old, and he was a monarch who had only seen peaceful and prosperous times. When has he ever seen such a scene? So, he immediately invited the National Teacher to make another divination.

  According to Ke Chen’s divination, this natural disaster wasn’t unsolvable. It was because of an evil lone star in the southwest of Li country, whose parents can change this nation’s destiny. She also clearly deduced the birth date, appearance, and features of the evil lone star. Xin Tu had extremely bad luck because she fit every deduction.

  Since then, Xin Tu had been chased and hunted down along with her family. Her adoptive parents weren’t spared and perished. Her legs were injured while escaping. Finally, she was rescued by the leader of Yuelan Sect.

  However, Ke Chen’s conduct and deeds had a purpose. She was originally from the Jianghu and had a crow’s mouth that ‘if she said bad things, bad things will come true’. Therefore, Lian Yi, the Sixth Prince, who was also the male lead placed her in the Imperial Court in order to make the Emperor think that the chaos in the world was due to the evil lone star, rather than their mismanagement.  

  After the Emperor sent people to kill the innocent Xin Tu, the country was still in dire straits. At this time, the Sixth Prince had already accumulated a large amount of grain and bought the people’s hearts. Finally, with the support of the people and various forces, he ascended to the throne in one fell swoop, then slowly started a sadistic love affair with the female lead.

  When Ke Li thought of the plot, she was very anxious for herself. In fact, in the original plot, Ke Chen was a man with rough skin and thick flesh. Even if he was tortured to death by the female lead, he deserved it. Who told him to be idle and get involved with other people trying to seize the throne and also made the female lead so miserable? But now she was so tender and delicate.

  Ke Li felt a flash of pain when she thought about it. As the author mother, she knows Xin Tu’s character the most. Yes, jealous, hateful, and cruel. Although her legs aren’t able, she has high prestige. She was known as the female devil who kills people without blinking an eye in the Jianghu.

  Ke Li felt that no matter how much she struggled psychologically, it’s already been done and she can’t resist reality. Even if the scum system affected the male lead, it won’t affect the fact that she was the female lead’s biggest enemy. Also, she’s a person who was afraid of pain. Just thinking about the torture for a while, she could faintly feel it. 

  When Ke Li thought about the plot, she suddenly heard a loud ‘bang’ sound, the earth suddenly shook and she was turned over.

  ”Doudou, quickly shield me from the pain.” Ke Li felt it could rescue her in a while.

  [Host don’t worry. I’ll shield you when you’re in pain.] Doudou finally felt its own importance in this world. In the previous world, she only made soy sauce and didn’t need it.1soy sauce aka having sex [In a while, even if I shield the pain, it doesn’t really shield the pain. It just reduces unbearable pain to become bearable. In short, it will still hurt.]

  Ke Li: “…”

  While she was dumbfounded, she heard the sound of the box opening, then she was dumped out. Yes, like dumping out some goods, she was dumped out of the box. Her hands and feet were bound, and it seemed that she was still rolling on the cold ground, which made her bones ache.

  To be honest, this was the first time Ke Li was afraid of the female lead from her novel. She has never been in such a situation in her entire life. Ke Li barely propped up her body, when someone suddenly put her hand on her shoulder and crushed her bones, causing her to gasp.

  She only heard a coarse voice speak, “Sect Leader, Ke Chen has arrived.”

  Ke Li was blinded by a black cloth, so she could only stand up and listen to the movements around her. She hoped that the female lead would show mercy and let innocent people go.

  Then there was a sound of a wheelchair moving. Ke Li could feel the murderous aura getting more and more intense. If eyes could kill people, she might have become a shapeless flesh mound just from Xin Tu’s gaze.

  She shook her head and tried to struggle to let Xin Tu know that she wasn’t a man. She thought that if she was a woman, she could do whatever she wanted, except for being responsible for the female lead’s affairs.2Haha so she would do whatever she wanted except for taking responsibility for the female lead’s current situation that her character caused.

  Ke Li thought she was really miserable. The only good thing about this world was that she could also call the female lead ‘Tutu’, provided that she survived and found ways to obtain the female lead’s diamond heart.3Diamond heart is a slang meaning that the inner heart is as strong as diamond so it won’t get hurt. It’s the direct opposite of a glass heart.

  “Take him to the dungeon and let Ghost Grandma take care of him. Don’t kill him without my orders.” Xin Tu’s voice was extremely cold. Her hands clenched into fists in excitement, then she said to her subordinates: “Tell Ghost Grandma that she can play with him however she likes. As for the level of playing, it’s better to let him yearn death while he’s alive.”

  ”…” Ke Li listened and began having cold sweat. The problem was that she couldn’t speak, otherwise, she could have utilized her crow’s beak and say something that can be fulfilled on the spot, then escape.

  At this time, Doudou awkwardly ‘hic’ twice, then said: [Host, I have two news. One is good while the other is bad. While you’re still conscious now, which one do you want to listen to first?]

  ”…” Ke Li said without hesitation: “Tell the good news first.”

  [In order for the host to fall in love with the female lead in the future, the system decided to make slight adjustments to the settings with that goal in mind. So, host the good news is that your crow’s beak function is gone. You can talk well in the future and won’t have to worry about accidentally being a crow’s beak.]

  Ke Li: “…”

  This good news wasn’t helpful for her present situation. She was angry and defeated, then asked: “What about the bad news?”

  Doudou once again ‘hic’ and said: [The bad news is that from now on, the host will say things unwillingly, even if it isn’t the truth. This is the equivalent replacement of the crow’s beak.]

  Ke Li was a little confused: “What does that mean? On the bright side, does this mean I’ll be a tsundere?”

  […] Doudou began to explain in detail: [That is, sometimes the host loves to say things that are the opposite of what you really feel. For example, if you truly like the female lead and say it, this is a truth from your heart. However, if you dislike the female lead deep down and intend to voice out your dislike, your mouth will automatically correct it to…you like her.]

  Ke Li: “…”

  Fuck! When will this system actually serve her? Why does she feel that she’s always the one who’s thrown in the pit? This skill wasn’t as good as the crow’s beak!

  ”Take him down.” Ke Li only listened to Xin Tu’s words and was dragged down. She didn’t even have time to see what Xin Tu looked like.

  Dungeons were called dungeons because they were underground and extremely cold.

  As soon as Ke Li was thrown into the dungeon, she felt the bone-chilling cold and heard an old woman’s voice: “Hang him up first.”

  This old woman is the Ghost Grandma that Xin Tu mentioned. She was specifically responsible for the Sect’s punishments. Her methods were comparable to Grandma Rong.4This is a character in “Ji Xiaolan, the Merry Talent” or “My Fair Princess”. She’s the Queen’s wet nurse and is proud to be in the Queen’s favor. So, she is arrogant and is cruel and merciless to others. She’s well known for torturing others.

  The sect member replaced the rope on Ke Li’s hands with a chain, then looked at the black cloth in front of Ke Li’s eyes and mouth. He was a little uncertain and asked, “Grandma, does this cloth need to stay? It’s said that the National Teacher is incomparably handsome and looks better than Pan An.5One of the four most beautiful men in Ancient Times. Would you like to have the first look?”

  The old woman’s shrewd eyes were bright, her wrinkled face showed a trace of disgust, but her body already moved.

  She walked up to Ke Li and looked her up and down, then said, “What’s so good about this smelly man’s face? You hit him like this first, don’t beat him to death. Then this old one will personally deal with him later.”

  “Yes, this little one will hit first, then you can enjoy it slowly later grandma.” The sect member quickly stepped down and took out a whip from the punishment tools.

  Ghost Grandma saw that the whip was about to hit Ke Li and leisurely added, “Don’t hit the face, leave it for this old one.”

  Ke Li: “…”

  This is just a virtual world…

  Ke Li was crying with a sad face, she continually circulated this sentence in her mind until she heard a sharp ‘pa’ sound and her shoulder burned with pain. It seemed that the whip was stained with salt and hot chili juice…

  Isn’t this a virtual world? How come the pain she feels isn’t virtual at all!

  Before the second hit landed, Ke Li felt a cramp in her abdomen and something fell….

  Actually, she was more afraid of being toyed with by the Ghost Grandma than these punishments. At least, Doudou could shield her from the pain but it couldn’t shield her from being toyed with incessantly. 

  With the fall of the second whip, Ke Li only felt that her head was heavy, and her heart was blocked, she couldn’t feel anything.


  In Yuelan Palace, Ghost Grandma bowed her head respectfully: “Sect Master, Ke Chen…”

  The Sect Master was busy with business. Xin Tu was reading a report. When she heard Ghost Grandma’s voice, she turned her wheelchair slowly and said to Ghost Grandma, who she was usually close with, “As long as he doesn’t die, you can play with him however you want. As long as you let him live and yearn death.”

  She had always known that Ghost Grandma had some special hobbies, but had turned a blind eye to it over the years.

  She doesn’t mind using some means that she doesn’t want to use for people like Ke Chen who uses his crow’s beak to destroy people’s lives. Since everyone in the world said she’s evil, she will show them!

  ”…” Ghost Grandma’s old face was red, and her body trembled: “This old one doesn’t dare. Sect Leader, Ke Chen fainted.”

  “What means did grandma used? Can’t you just wake him up?” Xin Tu’s voice, with inviolable dignity, turned to ask, “Does Grandma want me to personally go there?” 

  The first two years she had known her; grandma could still have an attitude of an elder towards Xin Tu but now it’s reversed. She hurriedly knelt and said, “I dare not, it’s just that her… her menstruation came.”

  “Came, even if he came as the Emperor, laozi…”6She’s cursing at the end, Laozi is a curse word meaning ‘I, your father’.

  Xin Tu’s words suddenly stopped, she stood up and immediately remembered that she was pretending to be a cripple, so she sat back down with a cold face and said, “You follow this lord to have a look!”7There’s this Chinese word that means ‘seat’ but it refers to people with high authority and indirectly refers to their title/power…so they shorten it by saying ‘this seat’. To make it easier to read, I used ‘this lord’ but it has more meaning.

Author’s Notes:

Slag Author: Ke Li’s spring came

In order for her to live life in harmony with her wife, I decided not to give Ke Li the crow’s beak. Ah, damn it, I’m so kindhearted ( ‘-‘ *)

Ke Li: ( ╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻

P.S. The second chapter is very difficult to write. Oh, that’s right that Ghost Grandma, is what you’re thinking of

This Post Has 9 Comments

    1. Novice TL Admin

      click on the footnotes, it’s mentioned alot in this series.

      Basically someone who says something bad is going to happen and it happens.

  1. weliuu

    R.I.P Ke Li
    this arc seems very interesting so far

  2. Jbebe

    I think I’d rather have the crows beak too…

  3. Ookun

    Oooo what will the FL do to Ke Li ? i hope Ke Li will be fine…Thank you for the chapter😍🥰

  4. Mistral


    Ghost Grandma: take this hahahahahahaha!

    Ke Li: *faint*

    Ghost Grandma:… Really?

  5. Alter Ego

    Oof. Another setback from the system. I hope it won’t be like world two. That was a pain to read. Hahaha. My dumb ass didn’t notice there was an update until a week later.

    Thank you for the chapter!!

  6. RozuArison08

    It’s her first time being afraid on the female lead? Wasn’t Ke li afraid of the female host on the 2nd arc? XD she can’t touch her LMAO

  7. Altay545

    Lol this one seems like it’ll be another fun one the characters are pretty crazy, it’s Shi Jins craziness dialed to 11.

    So some type of cultivation/magical world?

    You know while I do like that mc goes into world’s it’s actually pretty pointless that it’s her own stories cuz she’s never really had an advantage cuz if it not has it been relevant so it’s kinda pointless she’s the author.

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