Don’t Be Jealous, I Will Bend Myself – Chapter 86

Novi’s Note: So, the title “Right Hand in Left Hand, We Are All Single Dogs.” It’s a funny phrase that I think the author made up. Basically, since your single and can’t hold hands with a significant other, you can only hold your own hand.

Translated by Novice Translations

Proofread by Nesryn

Arc 5: Spring is Coming – 12

Right Hand in Left Hand, We Are All Single Dogs.

  Xin Tu had always been thin. After this accident, there wasn’t much meat on her haggard face. On top of that, there were numerous scars on her body. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that she didn’t look like an adult, but her eyes were still bright and full of life. She glared at Ke Li with deterrence, unfortunately, Ke Li was indifferent to this.

  “Don’t you like it a lot? You can cry out yourself. I don’t mind being forced to be your listener.” Ke Li continued to speak with grandeur, waiting to see Xin Tu be embarrassed.

  Xin Tu: “…”

  After being angry for a while, Xin Tu suddenly thought of something. She ignored Ke Li’s obvious provoking question and hoarsely said, “How can you still be alive?”

  Her shock began to set in, Ke Li died in front of her, but the facts were before her. That person who was poisoned and died in front of her was, in fact, still alive before her. Now the roles are reversed, and she became her prisoner.

  Ke Li coldly snorted. She didn’t speak to Xin Tu for a long time. Thus, Xin Tu also didn’t speak for a long time like she wasn’t curious at all. In the end, Ke Li said, “Guess? Maybe this is Hell, and we just happened to meet by chance to reminisce about the past here.”

  “…” Xin Tu still didn’t speak, instead, she looked at Ke Li quietly. Her throat ached every time she spoke. Alas, she didn’t have much energy after being bedridden for a long time.

  Xin Tu reached out to fix her lapels to cover her exposed skin from the air. Being exposed like that made her feel embarrassed and insecure.

  However, Ke Li reached out to stop Xin Tu’s hand. She stopped her out of annoyance once she saw Xin Tu’s casual appearance.

  She smiled evilly and poked the skin around Xin Tu’s wound with her fingertips until she heard a repressed painful groan. She said with satisfaction, “Thanks a lot for being so ruthless and cruel. Giving me that Gu, otherwise, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see your sorry state.” 

  Gu? After Xin Tu was poked, she wasn’t in the mood to speak to Ke Li. Although she couldn’t see the wound, she knew her situation wasn’t good from the pain. 

  She tried her best to repress the painful groans by biting down on her lips. As a result, the rosy lips became white. After loosening her jaw, her lower lip was covered with visible teeth marks, which made her look pitiful.

  Ke Li was slightly bewildered for a while and suddenly said: “So you actually shake M, you only cry out when you’re being abused ah.”

  Although she knew that it was only her wishful thinking, Ke Li was still very happy to humiliate Xin Tu this way as retribution of the suffering she went through.

  Xin Tu’s wound caused her great pain. She could only continue to bite her lips and listen to Ke Li’s incomprehensible words but understood the meaning.

  “It’s not interesting when you’re not cooperative at all.” Ke Li sighed and suddenly discovered her own fatal weakness.

  That is, compared to her pitiful female lead, she couldn’t help but be soft-hearted. For example, now she had some sympathy for Xin Tu, who not only had a bad life but had also been tortured by herself.

  Ke Li wasn’t interested and withdrew her fingers from the area near Xin Tu’s wound.

  Xin Tu’s furrow brows visibly relaxed. As long as she used her brain a little, she would be able to figure out how Ke Li survived. She couldn’t help but lament about the impermanence of the world. She clearly wanted to kill Ke Li, but feeding her that Gu to be able to control Ke Li instead accidentally saved her.

  She gasped and said with difficulty, “Since that is the case, you must kill me now, otherwise, I’ll kill you once I get a chance in the future!”

  ”…” Ke Li didn’t know where Xin Tu’s obsession for killing came from. This smelly brat’s temper wasn’t comprehensible. Even when she was at death’s door, she was still being stubborn.

  She scoffed, “How can I kill you? I’m your life-saving benefactor now, and I’m still waiting for you to repay me. Of course, you won’t kill me. I’m your deceased Master’s daughter, and you won’t disobey your Master’s final will.”

  Xin Tu was very determined this time and firmly said: “If there’s a chance, I’ll definitely kill you!”

  ”…” Ke Li rolled her eyes and looked up at Xin Tu’s open lapel again. Only then did she noticed that they were chatting like this for a long time. It seems that she won’t have feelings for this world’s female lead. Not to mention, she was as flat as a board. If feelings did develop, then she was seriously a face-con.1You got siscon/brocon. Basically a face-con is someone who has a face complex who loves beautiful faces.

  The two faced each other in silence, and even the surrounding air froze. Ke Li suddenly picked up a white porcelain bottle from the table beside her and blankly said to Xin Tu: “Turn over.”

  ”En?” Xin Tu was a little confused for a moment. Her expression was a little dull, then she became vigilant again.

  “Do you think there are wounds only in the front? The back is equally wounded as well. Your pipa bone has been completely pierced through.” Ke Li said and turned Xin Tu over like a pancake. When Ke Li heard her grunt, she couldn’t help but be gentler in her movements. 

  Xin Tu was almost turned over off the bed. Fortunately, Ke Li supported her body in time. She grabbed Ke Li’s lapel from anxiety and said with a pale face, “No.”

  Ke Li secretly let out a sigh of relief and moved Xin Tu to the middle of the bed. Then she bunched her clothes to her waist, gently disinfecting her.

  Compared with the front, Xin Tu’s injuries on her back were more serious. When Ke Li occasionally heard Xin Tu’s inaudible grunts, her movements suddenly became lighter, and her eyes became more focused as if she was afraid of hurting her.

  After she finished disinfecting her, Ke Li looked at Xin Tu’s back in a daze. Although Xin Tu’s back had scars before, her skin was still creamy and like fine jade. Now there were numerous wounds of various sizes on her back, which was very eye-catching.

  Ke Li’s fingertips lightly touched her back. Suddenly, she wanted to ask Xin Tu how these wounds happen? Did it hurt?

  Xin Tu’s body froze the moment when Ke Li touched her. She felt the tenderness of Ke Li’s fingertips then immediately felt that this was a huge joke.

  What kind of gentleness could a snake-like woman dressed as a man every day have? Xin Tu’s face was tense and hoarsely said with vigilance: “What are you going to do?”

  Ke Li withdrew her hand for a moment and turned Xin Tu over to face herself. She slightly raised her eyebrows and said, “Getting on top, do you believe me?”

  Xin Tu: “…”

  Ever since she discovered that Guan Lixian had ulterior motives towards herself, she wasn’t surprised about intimacy between women. When she heard Ke Li’s words, her hidden emotions ignited.

  Xin Tu knew that Ke Li only had hatred towards her now and wanted revenge. On top of that, she was near death, and she shouldn’t…rule out the possibility of being humiliated by Ke Li since she tortured her in the past.

  She closed her eyes and suppressed the waves in her heart. Then calmly said: “You actually like women?”

  “En, like women, especially a bad woman who says no to me but has a sincere body.”2…Dude, Ke Li is referencing rape culture where the men who rapes women tells the woman “I know you like it cause you got wet” even though it’s just a natural body reaction. Ke Li lightly continued, “Or a bad woman who doesn’t have any guilt and doesn’t know how to be submissive.”

  Just like Xin Tu, she tortured her with the possibility of death, but it didn’t mean she was easily humiliated verbally. At first, she was forced to cry out passionately and wasn’t tortured physically.

  Xin Tu turned her face and said: “It’s better for you to kill me.”

  “I won’t kill you, instead, I’ll try my best to save you.” Ke Li decided to attack people first. “You want revenge. I want revenge, and I’m also a good woman. I like to see you suffer happily under me.” She deliberately said obscene and lustful words.

  Xin Tu’s chest heaved violently and was obviously very angry, “You’re sick!”

  “It’s you that’s sick.” Ke Li recalled that she was already twenty-six years old and that was “very old” here, and Xin Tu was only twenty years old, Ke Li blushed again and educated: “And you still ask for it. As a Sect Leader of a demon cult, you’re too principled. You don’t look like an evil practitioner at all. From this perspective, Guan Lixian is more suitable to be Sect Leader than you. Of course, in some matters, you have no principle or bottom line.”

  For example, making her cry out in passion.

  As soon as Guan Lixian was mentioned, Xin Tu’s face sank and seemed to have recalled something bad. However, she didn’t deny Ke Li’s words.

  She was indeed bound by her own principles. Otherwise, she would have disregarded Master’s will and killed Ke Li earlier and even ignored her senior martial sister’s feelings. Wouldn’t she have gotten rid of Guan Lixian as soon as possible? Then how could all these things have happened today?

  But she felt that principle was the only reason why she was still alive today. She killed too many, and those rumors outside painted her wicked beyond redemption. She could only be true to herself.

  Xin Tu quietly said, “You’re right.”

  ”…” Just as Ke Li wanted to speak, Xin Tu turned her back towards her and said, “You’ll regret saving me.”

  ”…” Ke Li was completely speechless and suddenly wanted to know how Xin Tu escaped. Her eyes looked like a pool of stagnant water, lifeless, completely inconsistent with her strong sense of survival.

  Ke Li wanted to ask but saw that Xin Tu wasn’t in the mood to continue talking. Before leaving, her brain seemed to be short-circuited and said inexplicably, “Since you want me to regret it. Live well now and strive to live longer than me.”

  After Ke Li said that, she was completely stunned. She wanted to explain to Xin Tu that she didn’t care about her, but Xin Tu replied: “Don’t worry. You’re an old woman, so you will have a shorter life than me.”

  Ke Li: “……” Good intentions aren’t repaid with good! The dog bites Lu Dongbin!3Another analogy she used before for some folk story back then. This dog was supposed to be slain by Lu Dongbin who captured it. But he felt compassion in his heart and set it free for it to bite his hand.

  Ke Li left the room angrily and went outside for fresh air. At the thought of Xin Tu, she was angry, but angry with herself.

  She shouldn’t have been soft-hearted just now. What’s the point of being soft-hearted towards Xin Tu? Xin Tu was like a snake while she was the farmer who saved her. Not only did she not know how to repay kindness but will also bite her.

  Just when Ke Li was regretful about saving Xin Tu, Doudou suddenly jumped out and said: [This is love ah.]

  Ke Li: “…”

  Unless Xin Tu is weak for the rest of her life, no longer talks about revenge, and seriously reflects on her own mistakes. It would be a delusion to have feelings develop between them.

  Doudou presented its evidence: [Hasn’t the host discover the phenomenon that you two get along with each other like those in love. You’re reluctant to kill or pamper Miss Female Lead. In simple terms, you love and hate the Miss. Sometimes you get so angry towards her, like right now.]

  ”…” Ke Li said with a surprised face: “Do you have any misunderstandings about love?”

  She really doesn’t have Stockholm Syndrome or had the tendency to shake M. Even if Xin Tu was willing to be the M, she wasn’t willing to be the S.

  [No ah, us system has another task which is to know who the cp is in advance. Then try every means possible to make that cp come true. And the cp in this world is undoubtedly the female lead and you the host. Now…]

  Doudou took out data and presented: [Now the intimacy value between you two is obviously increasing while the female lead’s favorability value towards the host has been very stable. This shows that the possibility of cp is very possible, and the host shouldn’t be discouraged.]

  Ke Li: “…”

  Apart from the intimacy value, the favorability value is very stable, doesn’t that mean that the stability is in the negative?

  No matter how unconvinced Ke Li was, Doudou was still full of confidence and said: [Cheering on the host. In return, this system can assign you a girlfriend in reality oh.]

  In order to illustrate the truth in its words, Doudou also added: [These are the words of Mrs. Minister.]

  ”…” Ke Li felt that her facial expression was cracking bit by bit. Since the last task, she always had a conjecture in her heart. But that conjecture was too crazy and unrealistic, so she was reluctant to believe it. But now that she heard Doudou’s words, it seems to verify that conjecture…

  Ke Li didn’t want to believe that it was true, so she said with a straight face: “I don’t need a girlfriend. Being single is the best. You can assign her to someone else.”

  […But singles can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day ah.] Doudou continued to persuade.

  “Right hand in left hand, we are all single dogs.” Ke Li slightly raised her eyebrows, shrugged her shoulders, and continued, “What can’t be done?”4Don’t need a girlfriend, you can hold your own hand and masturbate yourself.

  [……] Doudou felt its matchmaker heart took 10,000 damage.

Author’s Notes:

Wishing single dogs a Happy Valentine’s Day.  

I decided to put out a ko-fi for the readers who wants to send love to me if they wish. I just ask that if you’re not able to and are having a hard time to please don’t and I’m content with the morale support via comments. 🙂

This Post Has 13 Comments

  1. Rael

    So she’s figured it out… but doesn’t want to believe it..?

    What a willing protagonist.

    1. Novice TL Admin

      Haha just in denial. Hopefully she wraps her mind around it and accepts it soon.

  2. Rael

    I’m still just hoping the explanation is exceptional or I will be annoyed by it forever. Oh well, that’s just how it is I guess.

    1. Novice TL Admin

      I appreciate that your still here reading. I hope it’s a good explanation too…12 ish more chapters left.

  3. Alter Ego

    Whew. Atleast the protagonist’s brain isn’t made up of concrete. I really like the fact that Ke Li strives to have a healthy relationship instead of them dumb blocks who have no common sense or self worth.

    Thanks for the chapter!!!

    1. Novice TL Admin

      Now that you mention it, those “dumb blocks” I only seen in BG novels where the ML is absolutely trash to FL but FL for some reason ends up with him anyways with the Mary Sue heart…hmm hadn’t seen that type of scenario in yuri yet…

      1. Rael

        See: “When the hacker is forced to marry”… or at least in my opinion anyway. Girl gets dragged into nonsense and politics all because she decides to let herself get swept up in it despite it being the opposite of what she wanted, for no reason.

        1. Rael

          Well… it’s omegaverse so maybe I should have expected that kind of thing.

  4. Also advocating for healthier relationships in novels.

    Definitely exists in Yuri too. I think maybe it happens when a young author doesn’t know what healthy relationships tend to look like, and confuse abuse for a dramatic romance. Of course actual abusive relationships are different in my experience, the victim doesn’t just blindly go along with things, but do recognize the abuse.

    Unfortunately victims tend to suffer from self-doubt, low self-esteem and various insecurities fueled by the abuser and possibly past traumas, and build a dependence on the abuser and blame themselves self for the abuse, maybe as an attempt to rationalize what they are experiencing? Victims seem to be unhappy but fail to recognize that they can or should end the relationship, and the abuser works hard to keep them trapped like that.

    Never personally known a f/f couple in an abusive relationship as depicted above, but def known f/f couples in physically abusive relationships so there could have been more going on behind the scenes. Sometimes the physical abuse goes both ways though, no idea what’s going on there. Can’t tell if it is synced Aunties or a cultural tolerance for women to physically lash out.

    1. Also advocating for healthier relationships in novels.

      While I’m on the subject, IMO novels are most guilty of never giving the main couple support networks. They might have friends but those friends seem to only revolve around the protagonists, rarely does a protagonist go out of their way to help a friend or celebrate a non-love interest’s birthday, you get the idea. It feels like they never do much outside of their relationship, never have seperate interests.

      If anyone has a good recommendation?

  5. ASilentVoice

    Hmm…for birthday celebration, i would recommend ‘She is the Protagonist’. How 2 straight bent each other + comedy. Just the translation is almost half way.

    1. Also advocating for healthier relationships in novels.

      Good recommendation, I’m reading it and do enjoy it.

      Though my point stands as the birthday was actually for the protagonist and her love interest at the same time. Most other characters only exist in the periphery and only interact with the leading cast due to occupation.

  6. Altay545

    She’s not referencing rape culture you sack of shit she’s referencing women who like to act coy while enjoying the act but don’t want to come across as slutty so they pretend they’re reluctantly going along with you while enjoying it a lot.

    Yep do mc has figured out that Shi Jin was her girlfriend.

    I’m still banking on mc having been brainwashed by someone and made to forget her memories.

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