Novi’s Notes: So, I decided to pick up this dropped novel. This time I wanted to start from the beginning even if chapter 1 & 2 is already translated. Please enjoy with me~
Translated by Novice Translations
Proofread by Nesryn
Lin Xi didn’t want to think about it. Maybe she won’t talk to others for the rest of her life. She sat on the bench and looked at the distance red clouds. The cigarette in her hand slowly burned, the wisp of smoke was like her thoughts, escaping upwards ah.
“It turned out you were hiding here.”
The black-haired woman stood beside her and groped her white coat. Then she looked at Lin Xi, hooked out a finger, and said with a smile: “Give me one.”
Lin Xi didn’t speak. She took out a cigarette and lighter from her pant pocket and threw it over.
The woman took the cigarette and sat next to her. She crossed her legs and looked at her eyes. Hasn’t she looked enough at the scenery in front of her? She thought and said: “You can almost leave the hospital! You’re not sick.”
Lin Xi lowered her head and didn’t answer.
“Lin Xi, you are very young. Many people are lost after graduation, but this kind of thing…don’t you think it’s not worth it?” The woman glanced at her and continued, “Really, as your attending physician, I think you’re overdoing it.”
Lin Xi just slowly smoked and said: “You don’t understand.”
There were so many patients, but she was the first to take the initiative to come to the psychiatric hospital and didn’t even know why. Now…Shen Beibei’s brows wrinkled, “Do you think mental disorder is a good title?”
Shen Beibei interrupted in embarrassment when she heard her name: “Don’t call me with that name!”
Lin Xi smiled: “Dr. Shen, do you know? This is my haven.”
Shen Beibei looked at her smile that played it down. She was unable to speak, so she stood up, threw away the barely used cigarette, and said to her, “Whatever you want, but I…I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“En?” It wasn’t easy to notice Shen Beibei’s body trembling and her eyes full of loneliness: Ah! Right ah! I haven’t said to her that I like her but now I’m going to leave. Why on earth did I abandon so many handsome young men to fall in love with this woman who only knows to escape?
Lin Xi didn’t seem to notice her. She also got up and said, “Together…”
Before she finished her words, Shen Beibei quickly stopped her: “I have to leave first.” Without giving Lin Xi any room to answer, she quickly ran away.
“Let’s go back together…” Lin Xi looked at the figure who ran away and wanted to say something but didn’t know how to speak. She was right to escape the things she couldn’t face.
She returned to her ward. In addition to her, five people lived there as well. One thought they were a cat, the second didn’t speak, the third cut their wrists every day, the fourth thought there were monsters and the fifth was a violent person who received electric shock treatment for 23 hours daily. The ward is very lively every day.
“There are monsters outside, have you seen them!”
“Hehe hei, blood~”
Everyone’s conversation was never the same. Lin Xi didn’t know what she was doing. At the age of 21, she spent half a year in a mental hospital and didn’t seem alive. But she knew that she was escaping. Maybe, like what that patient said, there are monsters outside.
At night, she slept in a daze. She felt a strange touch on her neck and the pain made her suddenly wake up. Then the door of the ward opened, and the nurse at the door was shocked and hurriedly yelled for a doctor. In a blink of an eye, something from her neck oozed out. The warm sensation covered Lin Xi’s face little by little. She raised her hand to cover her neck hard. It was blood…no, she still has to see Shen tomorrow…
Three days later.
Lin Xi finally woke up. The head nurse exhaled: “Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere?”
“What happened… what happened?” Lin Xi’s voice was weak and hoarse.
“You that one clinical patient, you…” The nurse knew that Lin Xi could communicate normally. She wasn’t as excessive as those other patients. It was difficult to say, so she thought about pointing at her neck. After all, it was her responsibility. She didn’t look after that violent patient.
Lin Xi was unusually dull, so she couldn’t feel the thrill from what she just experienced. She didn’t care if she gets another scar on her body. She lightly asked: “Where is Dr. Shen?”
“She left three days ago. She promised to hold a farewell get together party before leaving, but I don’t know why she left in the afternoon.”
“En,” Lin Xi didn’t speak. Then every director came to “greet” her while she laid motionlessly on the bed like a specimen.
“Lin Xi, according to our observations, you don’t have any mental problems now. We suggested to your parents to let you go back. Of course, when you’re better.”
As the director said, she must pack up her bags and return “outside”. Before leaving, she sat on a bench outside the hospital, lit a cigarette, and continued looking at the sky. She occasionally moved her neck to look at the ground: Go out ah…
When she returned to her familiar home, her parents looked at her with some fear in their eyes. At that time, she pretended and smashed a lot of things at home. She sat on the floor looking at the scar on her arm. She took painstaking efforts to enter the mental hospital, she was electrified and tortured, but she didn’t expect to come out so soon.
“When you were sick, you smashed a lot of things. You haven’t come back so the room hasn’t been renovated yet.” Her mother was blindly submissive and her concerned voice disgusted people.
“En,” Lin Xi laid on the cold floor, feeling very empty.
Mother Lin looked at her movements, stepped back, and tentatively said, “The doctor suggested that you go to psychological counseling. Do you want to try it?”
“Then we will contact the doctor.”
“En”, after she mechanically answered, she closed her eyes.
The woman stepped out of the room when she saw she didn’t want to talk. Then a surprised female voice sounded from a different room: “The doctor said she’s okay. They agreed to let her be discharged from the hospital. I can’t see it ah!”1She can’t see that she’s okay and suggesting she should have not come home at all.
“CTMD, what JB…”2CTMD – another curse word like fuck you & JB – vulgar word referring to a man’s private parts
Lin Xi fiercely opened her eyes. They still didn’t know that the room wasn’t soundproof. They still swore and were still so disgusting.