TL Note: This is the only title I’m TLing while I’m on vacation, hoping to knock this out faster so I can pick up a short GL in December. This chapter is super straightforward, fluffy and heartwarming!
Translated by Novice Translations
Executive Summary: The dudou can’t be thrown! I mean, it’s okay to throw it on my face, don’t throw it on the ground.
Ben Gong Will Order Your Execution by Death of a Thousand Cuts
Perhaps in the eyes of many ordinary civilians, the Regent da ren1 Da ren – title of respect towards superior was a perfect and exclusive lover. She was the sweetheart to the princess dian xia2 Dian xia – your majesty (honorifics); his or her highness and was totally submissive towards her. The previous well-known washboard event even proved this without hesitation.
However, in the eyes of the officials, the Regent was a real power minister! Treacherous court official! Bully the young master!
Of course, this wasn’t because the Regent from time to time used a lollipop to abduct the mentally handicapped emperor to obtain a verdict; it wasn’t because the Regent always made many advanced things like building blocks, bicycles, rocking chairs and horses. What the hell is this, to induce the emperor to play with these things and lose his mind; it wasn’t because the Regent controlled the military with a might of 100,000 troops, she was also the prime minister that held two jobs simultaneously and whom ran to sleep with the emperor’s only elder sister every day, the distinguished big imperial princess.
— It’s really because the Regent was too arbitrary and monopolize military and political affairs!
In terms of feelings and life, the Regent is entirely worthy as a henpecked male. But in the affairs of politics, she was so stubborn that the princess dian xia couldn’t wait to execute her by death of a thousand cuts. No, it should be raping then killing, or killing then raping her corpse.
For example, in the case of Tartar country matter, the princess dian xia was awfully determined to go to war! They were undefeatable also! What’s more, when the new dynasty was built, it was during the time of the people’s desire! Where would the country’s dignity be?! Doesn’t the emperor value his dignity?! How about the dignity of the princess and the Regent?! Come on, don’t you think so?!
And as the story continues, the Regent said that they shouldn’t go to war.
Shouldn’t go to war?
The princess looked at her and sneered, but her soul ached.
In those days, where did the army division general that led a thousand fast horses against the kingdom of Thorne that besieged her under the Yinshan mountain? During that time, where was the Lu jiejie who vowed to defend her dignity all her life?
During that time, all seven of the Lu family members were tied up in the mainland and were held hostage by the previous dynasty’s soldiers, they stopped her outside Fengsu city to demand her to surrender her arms. However, she was unexpectedly cruel to everyone’s expectation and disregarded her relatives’ lives. On the surface, she said, “I eat the monarch’s wealth by my official salary. I am devoted to the monarch.”
Later when the imminent danger passed, she finally felt Princess Zhao Zhi nearby, she could only burst into tears bitterly and let it stream down her face, she was the only one responsible for her relatives’ deaths.
At that moment, Lu Wu Shuang cried bitterly, and her heart ached.
Lu Wu Shuang didn’t know why she cried. Was she sad for those who died? Or was it because Zhao Zhi was safe and sound, and these were tears of happiness?
Those clansmen were only related to the previous Lu Wu Shuang who she happened to transmigrated into, she has never seen them before. However, seven people, old and young, her grandmother, grandfather, uncle, cousin and nephew, all beheaded in front of her, even the splashing blood that fell on her cheek, still contained warmth.
At this moment, she felt guilty.
But also, at this moment, she was more, more determined with her decision. If, at that time she had the slightest hesitation, it would have been her Zhi’er who would have been beheaded.
Therefore, Lu Wu Shuang was a tough woman!
But how heartfelt was she, how deep were her affections.
Love, it makes people become addicted and want to spoil people. Lu Wu Shuang’s feelings overflowed and she drowned in them, she spoiled the princess who was originally rational, wise and ambitious.
After that, the princess dian xia since grown accustomed to her deep affection and love the Lu Wu Shuang’s determination to become an enemy against the world for her, that she was unable to bear the Regent’s reason presently. What’s more, the princess dian xia didn’t consider her own views wrong.
Well, Lu Wu Shuang has never compromised on any government affairs. Lu Wu Shuang said that all the decisions were made so she can become stronger. Only when she was strong, her Qing Qing, her Zhi’er could enjoy supreme power and prosperity.
As the Regent, Lu Wu Shuang has a strong desire to control the government, the country and even the army, and has the ambition to control the world – although she never thought to usurp the throne. As the officials of the three provinces and six ministries clamored – the Regent’s egg couldn’t be fertilized, and it was useless to usurp the throne! Ah, no one would inherit! Ah, what’s the difference between that and being a Regent?
The princess dian xia has never doubt that Lu Wu Shuang’s desire for power was really strong.
Instead, the Tartar has harassed the citizens at the border, demanded compensation for damages and demanded to open a border city.
This was a slap to the face! Ah, this slap her Zhao Zhi’s face!
But Lu Wu Shuang can only bear it and said that no money had been lost, but they can open up the border market in order to seek peace with Tartar country.
Look at this, how much humility must one have to say this. If someone slaps you twice, you still say this, there were too many slaps, let’s talk, let’s just give a slap, okay?
In the beginning, the country was founded and needs to recuperate. Their treasury was empty and must be built up through diligence and thrift, while the neighboring countries glared like a tiger watching its prey, and they couldn’t lightly engage in side affairs. They could only endure, then pay back ten times in the future….
“Ben gong will not listen! Lu, get the hell out of ben gong’s palace! Ben gong doesn’t want to see you! Don’t dare come to Shufang palace hall again or ben gong will break your legs!”
This is what Zhao Zhi’s heart said with hatred. “If you dare let the Tartar slap ben gong’s face, ben gong will break your legs!”
“Surname Lu” stood outside the palace, her face didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She stood up in front of numerous palace maids and court eunuchs, and said with ease, “Then, I won’t go in, princess you come out!”
Anyway, it became a Qiong Yao drama, and she wasn’t afraid of embarrassment. She let herself go more freely….
A cry came from the room: “Roll!”
She immediately thanked the princess: “Yes.”
The princess was angry – let you roll, roll? Ah, you’re not going to cajole me anymore? Ah, you won’t do what I want, ah?
The princess dian xia was about to have a fit of rage, but she saw the Regent shook off the palace maids and court eunuchs who guarded the palace, and thus walked into the Shufang Palace Hall and politely bowed to salute the princess.
The princess clenched her teeth and said, “Didn’t you roll? What are you doing here?”
“Didn’t this little minister roll in?” The Regent smiled softly, “Is Qing Qing still angry?”
Angry? How can she not be angry?
“Who, at the beginning of the uprising, raised her arms in the army and shouted loudly and confidently, ‘The previous dynasty is muddle-headed and are well-known to cut apart this land and must pay reparations for this dishonor’? She also said that, ‘When the emperor died, the country was guarded by the heaven. When the newly founded imperial court feared the enemy and was afraid of war, wouldn’t the newly-founded country had died?’ At the time of founding the country, what did you said: ‘Wen Chen’s3 Wen Chen – Lu Wu Shuang referred to herself in her own sentence as “this civilian court official” death, the military commander’s death’, and vowed to ‘The emperor worries, but this official has dishonored the monarch, this disgraced minister will die for the country.’ Now the humiliation of the Tartar country comes to the door, do you, Lu Wu Shuang plan to defend ben gong to the death?”
She couldn’t help but get angry thinking about it. She picked up the pillow beside herself and threw it.
“Ouch, Qing Qing, that’s the porcelain one! Ah, Qing Qing, ah, be frugal! Oh no, it doesn’t matter if you hit this little minister. It’s not good if you carelessly break the flowers and grass!” With the help of the pillow, the Regent was pushed aside, she went to take her sweetheart’s hand and knelt in front of her. “Qing Qing, you should know that if you’re hurt, I will be in great pain. If you insult me, I will feel humiliation a hundredfold. You are such a cruel woman, cruel to the enemy, cruel to me, only to you…” She placed a kiss on Zhao Zhi’s hand, then Wu Shuang kissed her. “It didn’t occur to me for a moment not to take it to heart. Do you still doubt this little minister’s heart even now?”
The princess dian xia face was cold. “Who knows? When you betrayed me three times, you were a heartless woman, don’t you have the slightest amount of soft-heartedness? This time, what’s the difficulty of betraying me again? You can betray me to the Tartar country and your relatives, ah, satisfy the Tartar king to open a border market!” She was so angry, that she even forgot to call herself “ben gong”.
However, when she finished speaking, she realized she had a slip of tongue.
It was said as if she didn’t care about the past… (TL Note: Like she didn’t care Lu Wu Shuang’s relatives were beheaded for her safety).
Lu Wu Shuang’s face slightly changed, it was a little stiff, then she sighed and slowly said, “Didn’t you even realize my feelings towards you? Qing Qing, I know that I am responsible for you. You should blame me. As I said, I will prove my heart with my whole life. If you say to go east, I will never go west; if you say to touch dogs, I will never steal chickens; if you say to go to bed, I will never wear clothes; if you say to lie down and suffer, I will never dare to be impatient…”
“Shut up! The more you say, the more outrageous it is! You’re glib-tongued. Do you think ben gong is a teenage girl?” The princess dian xia face was a little complicated and immediately picked up her brows and asked, “Then you say, will you fight or not fight the Tartar country?”
”You, get out of here! Get out!”
“Ouch! Zhi’er, you listen to me, this development of that border city is not a compromise! Ah, I naturally have a reason for that! It’s to dump goods, the economic means, the war currency, ah, we can do this…. Ouch, Qing Qing, you can’t throw the jade ruler’s seal! Ah, I’m a young lady, ah, you are the princess. Ah, you can’t throw shoes…Ah, ah, the dudou4 Dudou – undergarments is even worse. This one you really can’t! I mean, just throw it on my face. Ah, don’t throw it on the ground—”
”Lu Wu Shuang, ben gong will order your execution by death of a thousand cuts—”
- Da ren – title of respect towards superior
- Dian xia – your majesty (honorifics); his or her highness
- Wen Chen – Lu Wu Shuang referred to herself in her own sentence as “this civilian court official”
- Dudou – undergarments
I got tired of typing out “your highness/your majesty/her highness/his highness. So, I left this honorific as a footnote, should have done so in chapter 1 but this TL is a dumb dumb.